Your point of view is just medieval

I was watching a little of the American version of The Office today. I'm a big fan of Ricky Gervais' The Office and I think he's quite a genius so I had high expectations for the American adaptation.

Overall, I fancied it. I thought the acting was good, the chemistry well developed between the male and female leads. The actor playing Jim though, reminds me of someone I used to know.

But what made the Office such a great show, is the way it brings out the theme of awkwardness so well. How people can overreact, because they're drama queens, or how they don't necessarily know how to respond to situations and, well, other people.

And I'm reminded of this because of some similarly awkward conversations I've had with some acquaintances recently. I keep thinking to myself, why would you say something like that? Maybe people have different viewpoints, perspectives, experiences. My sister thinks that people have different wavelengths. Maybe that is true too. This frightens me. I know I should expect people who have not seen each other in years to have different interests and topics of conversation, but somehow I can't seem to accept the notion. I guess I will find out for myself soon enough. I hate to think that friends will drift apart but there's not something I should find inconceivable. Still, I hope to keep the friends I have.

On a completely unrelated note, it's 5 days and counting. I should be excited but right now I'm just trying to get over being down with the flu for now. One step at a time, eh?

Comparisons are easily done once you had a taste of perfection

I was standing at the bus interchange. I had just bought myself a water chestnut drink and was trying unsuccessfully to open it. The guy standing in front of me in the queue for the bus asked if he could help. Pleasantly surprised and very astounded by the offer of kindness, I passed him my bottle of water chestnut. He turned it once, twice, it was opened. He smiled and handed my water chestnut drink back. This one act of chivalry, of kindness made my day. It cheered me up immensely. Never mind the crowds who push their way into the MRT. Never mind the shoving and elbowing. That was how much of a difference that one action made. And I will certainly try to pay it forward. Thank you Mr Bottle Opener.

I never meant to ...

So I have significantly more time on my hands. It makes me think more, like where is my life going? Am I happy at work? Where do I see myself 5 years from now and am I on the right trajectory? And if not, how do I move onto the right trajectory?

Maybe I just need a break. But what kind and from what? And what would the break do for me?

On the corner of Main Street

I have just received a wedding invitation card from a JC classmate. I am speechless. This makes it real. More real than the facebooking wedding invitation she sent.

Your thoughtless words are breaking my heart

I think people should just lay off Ris Low already. The media's had a field day dissing her. One day it's her bad English, the next it's her credit card fraud record, and then just when you think it's over, they even talk about her boyfriend.

I must admit, when I first saw that razor tv video, I dismissed her very quickly. But after the countless numbers of headlines dedicated to her, it got old. How many times can you pick on someone before you realise what a bully you are becoming? Sure, she may not have the tools to express herself, but is it really news worthy?

So let me get this straight, our news rather focus on a ex beauty queen and her escapades? You know, this isn't news after a while. It's starting to sound like a slumber party conversation. The Singaporean media should really quit writing about Ris Low - we don't care if she's got a boyfriend or if she continues to speak bad English - and start acting like a decent news outlet. After all, if you continue to harp on a has-been headline, you're really putting into question your journalistic bona fides.

Things I have Learnt (or not)

If my 25 year-old had the chance to reach back in time to say 10 things to my 15 year-old self, what would I say?

1. That anything worth something doesn't come easy, so don't give up.

2. That there will be an endless stream of people who will try to put you down, and that you should never let them get under your skin.

3. That it's the actions that you don't carry out that you will regret the most. You only have one chance to get it right. Related to this, follow your heart, not your head.

4. That your mother shouldn't throw away clothes from the 80s. It'll come back in style in 2009.

5. That no matter how fat you think you are, you're skinniest when you're 17. And related to this. that you will never again be able to eat 4 bowls of noodles so enjoy your metabolism while you can. And related to this, that MacDonald's is actually quite gross so stop eating that crap.

6. That above all and everyone else, friends and family will the be most important people.

7. That you should take all the pictures you can now, so that you remember what was important to you in your teenage years. (And commemorate how skinny you are.)

8. That things that you hated eating, like carrot cake, will suddenly taste great when you're 25.

9. That when you're 25, even though you've the benefit of experience and therefore expertise, you'll still be the silly, unsure 15 year old inside.

10. That when you read what you've written when you're 15, it will all seem laughable but after laughing, you'll miss that 15 year old's unwavering faith in humanity and people. How I do miss her.

Or hear ear to ear

They say that just before you die, your whole life flashes across your eyes. Maybe it's the same for everything else. On the eve of most exams, I get dreams in which I relive studying for my exams again.

Maybe it's because you forget how you enjoyed learning about the subject before the stress sat in. Maybe it's because you're at the end of one phase, and your mind refuses to purge all the experiences. Your heart wants to keep the experience close, and not relegate it to a memory. And your body can't process it in a way that you understand.

You are suddenly inundated by the rush of emotions to your head, the hope and euphoria of firsts, the beauty of familiarity and not being able to reconcile these with the eventuality that you're heading towards.

Sometimes I do wonder if I'm a rancorous, bitter and angry person. I'd like to think that I've tried very hard not to be this person but I resign myself to knowing that my black and white view of things often impede my acceptance of grey. Not being to put someone or something in a box. Even if the box doesn't fit, cognitively and emotionally, this works for me. It's yes or no, black or white, hot or cold, wrong or right. I don't dwell on the blacks, nos, cold and wrongs. But I assign them values, so that I can move on. So maybe I shouldn't assign them such values? But how do I gain closure then? How can I move past these events?

There's certainly merit in reconsidering the approach but it take effort, no, courage, because that's not how I've functioned for the past 14 years, and to reconsider the approach means taking a giant step to relook all the things that's happened, starting with the big one 14 years ago. Maybe that's why I don't want to try to do that. I'm not sure, but I can try.

Same old brand new you.

I'm looking at a picture of me and my mother in old Montreal. The picture was taken when we first went there to set up everything I needed for a life at McGill. I was 18 years-old. It is almost scary, how thin I was. I recall wishing that I was skinnier. It's funny how you think you're chubby when you're a teenager. Nothing like being in your twenties to make you realise just how much you take your body for granted. But the thing is, I remember being very skinny because I was bed-ridden for almost a month. I had a horrible case of gastritis and I could not eat anything solid. I was so weak, I could not even stand up or walk without having to hold onto something. And I had to drink rice water everyday. And let me tell you, rice water is really the most disgusting thing in the world, along with bitter gourd and sago paste.